Night time. Kitties everywhere. Running, pouncing, climbing. In a week, 3 will remain. We are keeping Mama cat. She is a wild cat. She lives outside, kills rodents, and comes around for attention a few times a day. She is also fixed. We are also keeping Boy cat (yes we suck at naming our cats). He is cute, cuddly, a little bit dumb, but a good cat. He was from Mother cat's first litter (not to be confused with Mama, who had that name when we got her.) We are also keeping the kitten now dubbed Skippy John Jones (aptly named after the childrens story book character of that name, who is also a Siamese cat) Skippy is being kept mostly because he is the only discernible male in this second litter of Whore (err I mean Mother) cats. The newest litter will be 8 weeks on Thursday. I like to keep kittens until they wean, but c'mon. We have 10 cats, including the kittens, in this house. This 3 bedroom, 2 bath modular home that we are renting.

I cannot wait until we can buy a house. Even if it were THIS house, if it were mine, I could justify spending money to upgrade it. A couple additions, new flooring....a dishwasher I don't have to tilt forward while loading it. Realistically it will only be another couple years until we are ready. If i stopped retail therapy, stuck to a tight budget, started cloth diapering and baking bread again, we could do it in a year. But thats so not me.

My oldest turns 7 on May 18th. Her party is this coming Saturday. This is her first real party, where she invited friends from school. Me, wanting the world and the moon for my mini me, and ever the over achiever, I let her invite all 22 classmates. Now, we have a huge backyard. I'd guesstimate we have an acre of mowed property. And as of now the weather forecast is cooperating. I still believe it will be no big deal. I am also prepared for when I am proven wrong, and I need to scramble to accomplish all that I need to.

A brief glimpse....

Well, today is a cool 56 degrees, but lots of sunshine. We will be going outside to play. My oldest stayed home from school today. That was partially her fault, but mostly mine. I ignored my alarm, I ignored my son (3) when he came in and said that her ride was here. After a brief moment of consideration, I took him into my arms and we snuggled in bed instead of waking up. My husband leaves at some dark time of the morning. Sometime around 6am or so. We usually get up at 7, and her ride to school gets here around 7:40. Normally, my husband gets home at around 4:15, which is great. Today is a common exception. Today he is working a double and will not be home until closer to midnight. I dread days like today. It makes me feel like my day is twice as long, even tho he is only missing dinner, and then bedtime routine.

Don't get me wrong. My life is great...on paper. I have 4 beautiful children. 2 girls and 2 boys. They are all about 2 years apart. Kairi will be 7 in a couple weeks, Taryn will be 5 in August. Charlie just turned 3, and Alex was 1 in January. We live in a tiny little town in rural Michigan. My husband has a job that he loves, where he makes enough money that I do not have to work. This is all I ever wanted. I just never thought it would be so hard. I'm not sure what I thought life would be like, but I am finally learning to function. I suffer from bi polar disorder, as well as anxiety disorder. It is medicated and under control, but that doesn't mean I don't still have a hard time once in a while.

I suppose no one is always happy, and I think this is the greatest lesson I have learned lately. It seems I always say to myself, when this happens, I will be happy. As soon as we get through this, I will be happy. I have spent the past 6 years saying this, and in the process, I have lost all that time. No time for regrets though, especially if I am to succeed in my new take on life.

Part of my inspiration comes from FlyLady (flylady.net) whose insistence that you can do anything for 15 minutes (you really can), that doing things halfway is still better than NOT doing it, and to always make things fun has done wonders for my house and the happiness of my family.

My husband is another portion of my inspiration. His insistence that life will never be fair, and that I need to just get over it has helped me see that the world owes me nothing if I am unwilling to work for it.

I feel like I finally grew up as well. A dear friend of mine told me (and I have yet to do the research) that the synapses in the brain between the right side (Hey, isn't this a really fun idea?) and the left side (That's a stupid dangerous idea!) doesn't full form until around age 30. She told me this soon after I came to the realizations that only I could make my life worth living. (I think i said something along the lines of "There must be something wrong with me, because I am almost 30, Ive been married for 8 years, and I am just NOW starting to get it?") I should get around to doing the research on that. Perhaps once my long day is over with!

Thank you so much for starting this journey with me!